| Monday, September 26, 2010: 6AM |
[Sunday
September 26th, 2010 at 10:28pm] |
Cookie Crisp is really delicious... especially if you add a little strawberry syrup to the mix.
[private]
Day 20. It's been close to a month since I last spoke with Alan. He still won't look at me. It hurts. I still feel like I can't breathe. It gets a little easier every day, though. I didn't even cry this weekend... except for that one time, but it doesn't count because I was dreaming. I wish I could stop missing him.
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand
So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Note to self: No radio with breakfast.
[/private]
[Ollie]
Care to join me in the shower before we head to school?
[/Ollie]
[Ant]
I had a great time this weekend. We should hang out more often. You're kind of awesome.
[/Ant]
[Addie]
I'm glad I got to see you this weekend! I miss you so much!
[/Addie]
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| Thursday, September 23, 2010: 7PM |
[Thursday
September 23rd, 2010 at 2:58pm] |
Lucas: Brooke! I'm sorry! What you did with Chris... it's okay.
Brooke: It's not. It can't be. It's too much to forgive!
Lucas: Well, that's too bad because I forgive you.
Brooke: You can't!
Lucas: I just did.
Moral of the story? One Tree Hill reruns suck.
It doesn't happen like that in the real world. In the real world, the guy never wants to speak to you again. In the real world, you lose one of the most important people in your life and you can't do anything to make it better.
Anyone else excited about the game tomorrow?
So... this weekend... what's the plan? What are we doing? Anyone want to go visit Addie with me?
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| Tuesday, September 21, 2010: 6PM |
[Tuesday
September 21st, 2010 at 9:54pm] |
[private]
Day Fourteen.
He's never going to forgive me. I wish he ... I don't know. Melia has forgiven Ollie.
[/private]
[Ollie]
Sleeping over, again?
[/Ollie]
ANTHONY STEELMAN! COME GET ME! I WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN!
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| Tuesday, September 14, 2010: 4PM |
[Wednesday
September 15th, 2010 at 12:11am] |
[private]
Day Seven
No. I'm not doing this.
[/private]
Day One of my suspension was a success. I might have to punch bitches more often. Who wants to hang out tonight? I'm semi-grounded, but I'm not staying in. This good mood is going to last!
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| Monday, September 13, 2010: 4PM |
[Monday
September 13th, 2010 at 8:47pm] |
I'm in a fucking great mood. I just need to kick her ass every day. Tomorrow is going to suck, but I'm going to enjoy my vacation.
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| Monday, September 13, 2010: 12PM |
[Monday
September 13th, 2010 at 8:08am] |
[private]
Day Six.
It's been close to a week since Alan told me that he needed time. I would like to say it's getting easier, but it's not. This weekend was horrible. I missed him so much that I found myself rushing to school just so that I could see him. I mean… I knew he wasn't going to talk to me. I didn't care. I just wanted to see him.
He told me that he didn't know if he would ever want to talk to me again. I don't know why I keep waiting for him to forgive me. If I give up, though, it will be over… he'll be out of my life for good. I can't handle that. I need to believe that he cared about me… that it's not so easy for him to just walk away. If only he wouldn't make it look so easy.
I have to… I don't know. My parents keep asking me if I'm alright. More than anything, I want to climb into my daddy's lap and tell him that I'm not alright… that I'm not sure if I'll ever be alright again, but I can't explain this to him. What am I supposed to say? "The guy I was sleeping with won't talk to me because I was sleeping with Ollie, too." I don't think he would take that news very well.
Maybe he'll talk to me this afternoon.
[/private]
Cooooooookie Crisp. Perfect way to start the day, right? I think so. It's also the perfect snack. Thank God for zip-lock bags. If only I didn't feel like I was going to puke.
My eye looks worse than ever, but I'm not too worried about it. It kind of makes me look like a badass. That's right. Badass Becca won't be taking your shit anymore. Got that?
Pretending to be alright sucks. I want to be alright.
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| Friday, September 10, 2010: 7PM |
[Friday
September 10th, 2010 at 9:55pm] |
[private]
Day Three.
How has it only been three days? It feels like so much longer. Why won't this... feeling go away? I feel like I can't breathe... like someone is sitting on me. I just want him to look at me... just acknowledge me. Why is this so easy for him? Even if our positions were reversed, I couldn't cut him out of my life without looking back.
I found myself thinking about the day we skipped school... that same day I fought with Maggie... it's like my brain is torturing me. That first morning when we were camping... the way it felt to be wrapped in his arms.
Life sucks.
[/private]
I know it's Friday, but I think I'm staying in.
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| Thursday, September 9, 2010: 7PM |
[Thursday
September 9th, 2010 at 1:30pm] |
[private]
Day Two.
Isn't this supposed to get easier? Shouldn't I wake up feeling better? Is he ever going to forgive me? He said he didn't know if he would ever want to talk to me again. How has it only been two days? It feels like a month. I wish I could sleep all the time. I feel better when I'm asleep. Doesn't he miss me the way I miss him? Doesn't his insides feel out of place the way mine do? I want to talk to him so bad. I wish I hadn't promised to give him space.
[/private]
I tumbled out of the pyramid. I got a nice black eye in the process. After a long shower, I'm heading to bed.
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| Wednesday, September 8, 2010: 7PM |
[Wednesday
September 8th, 2010 at 7:47am] |
[private]
Day One.
It's been a day... one single day. How does that... I keep looking for him. I know he's not going to be there, but I get this giddy feeling when it's time to go to my locker. Then I remember that he won't be waiting for me and I feel this sick feeling sink into my stomach all over again. Why does time move so slowly when you feel this way? Will I be typing "Day Three Hundred Ninety Four" before this is over? Does he miss me even a little bit? He's never gonna want me again, but I'm too stupid to give up hope.
[/private]
Too tired for food. Shower and sleep. Mmmm sleep.
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| Tuesday, September 7, 2010: 7PM |
[Wednesday
September 8th, 2010 at 1:01am] |
[private]
Time. He's not ready to forgive me. He wants... time.
Why can't he just scream at me or something? That would be better than time.
I hate this. I hate that I'm sitting here crying. I hate that I can't do anything to fix this.
He might never talk to me again. He might never forgive me. I could spend the rest of eternity waiting on nothing. Just sitting here, waiting like some pathetic thing.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going to puke.
So... time. This is what? Four hours? It feels like an eternity. I can't do this.
[/private]
[Alan]
I need to talk to y
[private]
I promised I would give him time.
[/private]
Practice was exhausting. Too tired to eat. I'm heading to bed. I'll get up early enough to do that worksheet. I love math, but... ew.
[Ollie]
Come sleep with me?
[/Ollie]
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| Monday, September 6, 2010: 10PM |
[Sunday
September 5th, 2010 at 11:25pm] |
[private: readable by Addie and Ollie]
Well... fuck.
[/private]
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| Sunday, August 8, 2010: 12PM |
[Sunday
August 8th, 2010 at 1:20am] |
Alright. Camping.
Who's coming?
Who's bringing what?
We need to organize this stuff.
We need tents, sleeping bags, pillows, food, MARSHMALLOWS, GRAHAM CRACKERS, HERSEY CHOCOLATE, other stuff.
Help me get this organized. I'll make a list. I'm thinking we're going to need like three or four tents. Alan and I will bring one tent. I'll bring the stuff to make s'mores, too. I'm bringing cookies... I'll just make a list...
TENT
S'MORES
COOKIES
BLANKET (for two)
PILLOWS (for two)
HOT DOGS
HOT DOG BUNS
CHIPS
OH OH! Someone should bring a cooler of ice and drinks. And CONDIMENTS! I like mustard on my hotdog. To be safe, someone else should bring some dogs and buns, too.
Let's get this organized, guys!
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| Tuesday, July 27, 2010: 2PM |
[Tuesday
July 27th, 2010 at 1:42pm] |
This summer has been… EPIC! Seriously, there's no other way to describe it!
The best part? It's not over!
Call me crazy, but… I'm thinking we should go camping! Tints… roasted marshmallows… s'mores… the whole shebang!
What do you think?
Let me know.
Oh oh oh… we could go camping ON THE BEACH!
Who's in?
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| Sunday, May 2, 2010: 3PM |
[Sunday
May 2nd, 2010 at 10:03pm] |
Oh. My. Gosh.
Ouch.
[Ollie]
I don't think I'll be able to make it. I don't feel very good. Raincheck?
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| Monday, April 26, 2010: 12PM |
[Monday
April 26th, 2010 at 11:37am] |
I had a great weekend.
[private]
Thursday, Alan and I skipped school and went to the beach. The weather wasn't right for swimming, but we had a lot of fun. He even smiled. I can't wait until it warms up. I'd almost forgotten how much I love the ocean.
Ollie spent the Thursday night with me. It was nice. We cuddled. That's all I wanted. I wanted to lay close to my best friend. I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to lose him. He kissed me. We have to be alright if he still wants to kiss me... right? We kissed and touched. I kind of... I don't know... I guess I wanted more. We didn't do more, but I wanted to do more. I don't think he would've objected, but I kept thinking about her. I kept wondering if he was doing more with her. I mean... I don't think he is. She doesn't seem like the type. I don't know, though. This is stupid. I guess I kind of always thought I would do more with Ollie... you know, when I was ready to do more. I think I could be ready... kind of. I don't know.
Alan and I nearly kissed. We didn't, but we almost did. At least, I think we did. I don't know. It could have been my imagination, but it seemed like it. Maggie would have a field day if she knew. Of course, she's probably loving the rumors that are going around about us. I've been avoiding her.
[/private]
Isn't it Friday, yet? I'm already looking forward to the weekend.
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| Thursday, April 22, 2010: 11AM |
[Thursday
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:42am] |
[private]
The rumors are on my last nerve. We went to a movie. We didn't make out. We didn't have sex. I didn't go down on him. He didn't go down on me. We watched an effing movie. Get over it.
In other craptastic news. THEY'RE HOLDING HANDS, NOW! UGH! I hate her so much, right now. I kinda want to punch her in the face. She's stealing my Ollie! He's been mine since... FOREVER and she's taking him! She's taking him away from me. He doesn't love me anymore. He's all about her and her perfect perfectness. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
[/private]
I'm really ready to be somewhere other than this school.
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| Saturday, April 17, 2010: 1PM |
[Friday
April 16th, 2010 at 8:48pm] |
[Because she just can't get THIS out of her mind.]
[blocked from Alan]
I was just trying to be nice. I was trying to make him less... I don't know. I just wanted him to be happy. He's an ass ugh ninety percent of the time, but I hate seeing him all miserable. I was just trying to help.
Remind me not to put forth the effort. He's such an... ass ugh!.
[/block]
So... I'm going to the movies, tonight. Anyone want to come with me? I promise a massive box of ... any candy! I just hate going to the movies by myself. Of course, Ollie made plans with her.
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| Friday, March 19, 2010: 4PM |
[Saturday
March 20th, 2010 at 12:15am] |
[private]
Oh. My. Gosh.
I'm ready to stab them. Both of them.
Okay. Not really. I just… DOESN'T SHE EVER GO AWAY?! She's always around. It's like she's his new best friend or something. Actually, it's worse than that. It's like she's his girlfriend. They're always laughing and smiling and laughing and smiling and… UGH! Why do they have to be so danged happy all the danged time?! It's annoying. They're like… the hyper twins or something. They're always… I don't know. I just know that it's freaking annoying.
At least he's still… I don't know. He kisses me when we're alone. At least he hasn't replaced me completely. I bet he kisses her, though. I bet they kiss all the time. They act like they kiss. I bet they do more. I bet they're doing it! I bet… they can't be doing it… right? He wouldn't… would he? He wouldn't do it with her and not me, right? What if he likes her better than me? I bet he likes her more. Ugh! I hate her! I wish she wasn't so freaking likable!
And Maggie! She's all… I don't even know. It's like she wants me to choose sides. I don't want to choose sides. I just don't want him sitting alone all the time. He looks kind of depressed. I don't know. I just can't be mean to him. Everyone else is taking her side. I just can't do that with him. Besides… sitting with him at lunch is better than sitting with the hyper lovers. Ugh.
[/private]
TOMORROW, I WANNA DO SOMETHING FUN!
Who's coming with me?
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